OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
