NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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