Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
