Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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