how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
