Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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