Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
