i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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