No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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