I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
