I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
