Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He felt like a one man threesome
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
