I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Floor bacon is actually really good
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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