yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
