I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
