i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
