R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
