Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
