you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
