im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
