Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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