i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
