Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
