She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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