I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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