Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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