oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
