You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
