he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
