just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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