We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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