so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
