I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
