now i know why i became what i already was.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
