i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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