best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
