Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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