I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
