This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was born a porn star she said
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
