I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
