i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
