And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
