i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
