pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
