I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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