i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
