I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
