is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
