Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sarcasm needs its own font
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
