The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
vagina is talking i cant
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
